Fuck You and Fuck Your Stupid Bullshit: Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude

What the fuck is wrong with Scott Johnson at Mayor Sam?  If this is old news to you, then I apologize.  But we’ve been so busy getting extremely stoned and recording a podcast and a concept album about Mike Gatto that we’ve been a little slow to notice every time our sweet Prince gets maligned by some butthole with an axe to grind.

A couple of weeks ago Scott “Frothy” Johnson posted this bullshit garbage article about how Mike Gatto was oh so mean to notorious pants-shitter Anthony Portantino, and how because he was so mean to that notorious pants-shitter, nobody in Sacramento likes him.

Of course, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  As we recently reported, Mike “Dean of the Assembly” Gatto, was honored by his esteemed colleagues in an major dick-suck-a-thon on the floor of the Assembly.   If anything, state Democrats are far more weary of Portantino, as this exclusive spy video of rogue DSCC delegates seems to suggest.

It’s actually kinda difficult to follow what the fuck Frothy Johnson is talking about in his stupid article for people who eat their own shit.  He skips around from topic to topic like a coked up Rhesus Monkey and uses a bunch of stupid  nicknames that only he his 5 readers understand.  His fucking blog posts read like ransom notes that have been taped together from other blog posts.  Whatever.  Among his other tirades:

Mike Gatto Wants to “Cleanse Armenians”

Mike Gatto wants to “cleanse Armenians” from the democratic process.  Is it 2008 again? That’s when Frothy Johnson and crackpot whackjob Peter Musurlian pathetically tried to paint Gatto as anti-Armenian because he had the gall to run for elected office against a person of Armenian heritage.

So how’d that turn out?  Oh right… Gatto was personally commended by none other than THE PRESIDENT OF ARMENIA for advancing Armenian causes in a variety of ways, such as extending the statute of limitations for genocide survivors to seek legal reparations, participating in countless Armenian Holocaust ceremonies, condemning the Ottoman Turks, praying with primates, and forcefully asserting the CA State Legislature into the struggle for Nagorno Karabakh’s independence.


And what happened to Peter Musarlian?  Oh yeah, a judge condemned his “unhealthy obsession” with Mike Gatto before issuing a restraining order.  So cheers Mayor Sam… that’s some fine company you keep.

Oh yeah… and in all these years, what has Scott Johnson done for the Armenian community he cares so much about?  How many times has he used his media megaphone to speak to any of these same issues championed by Mike Gatto?  Or does Frothy Johnson only care about Armenians insofar they it allow him a cheap, cynical line of attack against a politician he doesn’t like?  If you ask me, it’s pretty goddamned shitty to appropriate the pain and suffering of the Armenian Genocide for such ignoble purposes.  Don’t expect Scott “Frothy” Johnson to receive a Mkhitar Gosh Medal of his own any time soon.

Mike Gatto is to Blame for Portantino Campaign’s Ashley Madison Problem

According to a recent story in the Los Cerritos News, Anthony Portantino’s notoriously sleazy former Chief of Staff Trent Hager’s email address was among those exposed in the Ashely Madison hack.  And for some reason, It’s all Mike Gatto’s fault.

What a fucking dumbass.  Look, I don’t give a fuck about the morality of Trent Hager or anyone on Anthony Portantino’s staff fucking hookers or cheating on their adoring wives.  To be perfectly honest, I think fucking chicks is so sweet that it completely negates things like morality or honesty.  Pussies rule, dicks rule and so does jizzing.  End of story.


What I do have a problem with, however, is being a stupid fucking dumbass like Trent Hager and the other political hacks who got hacked in the Ashely Madison scandal.  Look, if you want to fuck chicks, go fuck chicks.  It’s easy… walk out into the world, where chicks make up more than 50% of the population, talk to some of them, get to know a few, then fuck one.  It’s pretty goddamned fucking simple if you ask me.

At no point in this process does Trent Hager, Anthony Portantino or anyone else need to register for an Internet website, hand over their credit card information, submit their email addresses, or post their goddamned motherfucking pictures on an electronic hooker-fucking service.  That’s just common sense for any dude who wants to cheat on his wife.  But for a fucking politician to be that fucking stupid?  Well, I’m sorry… there’s no way you can hang that level of idiotic dipshit behavior on Mike Gatto.

And for those with good memories, yes that’s the same Trent Hager that the Burbank Blogger accused of secretly authoring our venerated site, Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude.  I know… why would Anthony Portantino’s Chief of Staff spend 8 years making albums, recording podcasts, writing plays, novels and countless news articles about a politician he doesn’t work for?  It can only make sense to the warped, paranoid minds of those who dwell within the bubble of sadness known as politics.

Mike Gatto Lives With His Mother

Frothy Johnson also dredges up one of the most bizarre accusations ever leveled at Mike Gatto:  that he secretly lives at home with his mother.  Well, I guess dudes who use websites to buy hookers are probably the experts on living with their mothers.

This lunatic conspiracy theory was among those leveled at Mike early in his career.  A few bloggers who like to eat their own shit and drink their own urine, ran a bullshit story about how Mike’s residence was fudged in order to quality for the election to the 43rd district.  Gatto retaliated with totally justified legal action, and the offending bullshit articles were removed.

To a normal person, that would be the end of the story.  That’s why it’s so odd to see Frothy Johnson dredge up that tired bullshit again after all these years and all Gatto’s successful legislating.  Jesus Christ, Frothy Johnson… get a fucking life.  Go fuck a hooker.


Gatto/Portantino’s Proxy War in the 46th District

So this one’s new to me, but apparently there’s a conspiracy theory being floated amongst the pants-shitting, hooker-fucking crew in the Portantino campaign that Mike Gatto is secretly waging a proxy write-in campaign in the race for the 46th State Assembly district.

Why would Gatto give a shit about the Assembly’s 46th district when he’s not even running for his own district anymore?  It all has to do with the the long-simmering rift between the young, dynamic, progressive, sexy candidates of the party’s future and the bloated, fat, pants-shitting dinosaurs of its past.  Mike Gatto represents the future, and this threatens the pants-shitting political establishment represented by Anthony Portantino and his favored sackboy, Adrin Nazarian.

It’s long been reported that Nazarian is so close to Portantino that he’s practically living in one of his fat folds.  So now, like Russia and the US waging a proxy war through Syria, the Gatto and Portantino teams are duking it out through proxies in the 46th district.


The Portantino/Nazarian camp is incensed that a seemingly well-funded and well-organized write-in candidate has emerged to challenge Nazasrian in the primary — because God forbid anybody ever challenge an incumbent!  

Eric Hacopian, one of Nazarian’s goons, told the Sacramento Bee, “There is no doubt, based on all the evidence, that Angela Rupert’s entry into this race was planned and organized by Mike Gatto.”

He then went on to detail no evidence, and instead tried to hyperbolize the fact that some of her people and some of his people had supported similar causes at various points in their political careers.  Oh, and that some of them knew each other after years of working and living in the same small pond.  So his bullshit “evidence” could be used to connect anybody in the history of the Democratic Party, or any party for that matter.

Hahaha…  That’s a pretty fucking sweet line about a Hail Mary without a football.  I’m going to rip that one off.  Anyways, Rupert will still lose because she’s a write-in fighting an entrenched, supremely financed political juggernaut.  So ultimately none of this matters one goddamn bit and shouldn’t be a story at all, much less a story with legs.
But it’s nice to know Angela Rupert got under Porkertino’s skin.  And if Mike “Big Dick of Sweetness” Gatto actually was the mastermind behind it all, then good for him too.  Way to make Portantino, Nazarian and Frothy Johnson look like stupid assholes for no reason at all!  Apparently, they’ve all got a Trump reflex, and Mike Gatto knows just how to tickle it.

Gatto Accuses Frothy Johnson of Being a $hill

Finally, Frothy Johnson digs deep into the vault to unearth the time Mike Gatto accused Johnson himself of being secretly bankrolled by Eric Hacopian.  He didn’t really offer any proof either, but then who does these days?
As the LA Weekly concluded, “To be fair, Johnson has taken the side of many Hacopian clients, including Nahabedian, Adrin Nazarian, Luis Lopez and Rudy Martinez.”  So by the standards used to blame Mike Gatto for Angela Rupert’s write-in campaign in the 46th district, Johnson seems like a $hill to me.
But hey, I honestly give about as many fucks about $hilling as I do about fucking hookers.  I’d happily accept money from anybody who wanted to pay me to say shit online.  Who cares about what dumbasses say online?  It’s all just a cesspool of meaningless bullshit anyways.  A blog can be wrong 99 times, but it doesn’t matter as long as they’re right once.  Nobody expects integrity from the world of politics or blogging, and for fuck’s sake, especially not political blogging.  So yeah, Lance Armstrong used steroids, the sky is blue, dudes with big dicks fuck hot chicks, and political bloggers are probably just as crooked as the name would imply.   But no judgement.  A guy’s gotta make a living.

In Conclusion

So in summary, I would like to say fuck you to Mayor Sam for that last stupid shitty article that sucked.  Fuck your bullshit.  Mike Gatto is a sweet dude with a giant cock and two amazingly soft balls, and he dominated the State Assembly like a Japanese chick in a porno.  And once he’s good and ready, he’s going to dominate the State Treasury too.
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7 Fountains That Remind Jarvis Mitchell of Mike Gatto

Water fountains shoot water much like a cock shoots jizz.  So it’s only natural that some water fountains could make you think of a jizzing cock.  Mike Gatto has a big jizzing cock.  That is so sweet.



This is a water fountain but it looks like a giant cock.  Mike Gatto has a giant cock.



This is a dude with a giant cock, but it’s not Mike Gatto.  It is a water fountain.



Sweet fountain, dude.  It looks like Mike Gatto’s jizzing cock.



Yeah, that’s pretty much a big dick.



This chick wants a big dick to jizz in her face, but all she has is a water fountain.



This is a bukkake fountain.



Nice socks, lady.

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Download Our First Album!

Hey Gatto-Nation!  We’ve been super busy around here, not only covering the news of Mike Gatto and producing the first ever Mike Gatto podcast, but I’m also happy to announce that we’ve also recorded an entire concept album about Mike Gatto, his big dick and his two amazingly soft balls.  It’s available for free to download or stream in our multimedia section.

If there’s a Grammy category for best concept album about the California State Legislature, then we’re a fucking lock.  Daulton and I will start writing our acceptance speeches tonight.

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The Godfather III of Mike Gatto Podcasts

Grab some fat blunts and your favorite prescription narcotics… it’s time for the Godfather III of Mike Gatto podcasts.  And by that, we mean that it’s the fucking best Mike Gatto podcast ever period full stop fuck you.

Can Daulton Gatto spell “nutsack?”  Can he put his finger up his butt?  Only one way to find out!  Download and subscribe to our podcast so you can listen on the go!  Oh, and please leave us a good review so we can find more viewers who care about the California State Legislature and dog boners.

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Daulton Gatto Can’t Spell “Nutsack”

That’s dumb.  You can hear the whole dumb story on our next podcast.  Check back later this week!!!!


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A Bunch of Dudes Suck Mike Gatto’s Dick

A whole bunch of dudes and two chicks sucked Mike Gatto’s dick on the floor of the State Assembly recently.  Those dudes were Matt Dababneh, Bill Dodd, Eric Lender, Donald Wagner, Ian Calderon, Reggie Jones-Sawyer, Scott Wilk, and Jim Patterson, his self-described “Seat Mate.”  The chicks were Beth Gains and Lorena Gonzalez.

The dick sucking was metaphorical, of course, because there’s no way those douchebags could fit Mike Gatto’s giant cock in their mouths.  The occasion for all this metaphorical dick sucking?  Gatto’s departure from the Assembly after being termed out.

Honestly, it’s not that interesting.  I was going to type up some highlights, but there weren’t any.  These people are such boring douches.  So instead, I’ll use a quote from the fictitious Assemblyman, Wilfred P. Scrotumbutt.

“Assemblyman Gatto was the kind of Representative we don’t see ’round here no more,” mused Rep. Scrotumbutt (R – San Diego) as he wiped a tear from his eye, “He’s a sweet dude with a big dick and two amazingly soft balls, and all these other people are giant douches who suck my ass.”

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New Memes!!

I posted a few new memes in our multimedia section because memes are so sweet.  They make you laugh and they teach you about the world.  Sweet!!


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