Happy new year! I hope you’ve cleaned the caked-on horse cum off your face, because we’ve got quite a recap to cover this week.
Starting with the big news, the Sierra Madre
Pig Cock Tattler piled onto the insane “Portantino writes the Sweet Dude blog” conspiracy bandwagon by writing this brazen, poorly researched article before cowering in fear after I issued a completely sensible challenge asking them to integrate certain facts into their wild, crazed theory. This, of course, came after Jarvis completely obliterated the Tattler and Burbank Blogger in an epic annihilation of their pathetic efforts at political journalism.
I mean, just look at this pussy-ass response to my challenge:
Yeah. I think we’ve given these pathetic retards enough time and attention for now. They’ll inevitably be back with another round of wild accusations, but until then, we’re perfectly content to publish a fresh round of Anthony Portantino fat jokes.
In other news, we finally got around to reporting on Portantino’s vicious but no-longer-relevant slight of Mike Gatto during an Armenian genocide memorial. “Better late than never,” Jarvis and Daulton agree as they pass a massive blunt back and forth. It also turned out that Portantino’s portliness may also have been linked to the sudden and mysterious closure of a beloved Cedar Rapids all-you-can-eat buffet, and we also broke a groundbreaking story about turds that look like cocks and balls.
This is likely the last round of Portantino hate we’re going to be publishing for a while, so I hope you got your fix. Even if you didn’t, you can always go suck a horse cock to take your mind off it.
In the meantime, we’re going to move forward with a fresh round of entertaining and insightful political commentary that has nothing to do with Anthony Portantino (and little to do with Mike Gatto) until the
Pig Fucker Tattler and Burbank Blogger reload.
Strap in. It’s going to be a long road to the 2022 California Lieutenant-Governor election.