Author Archives: Jarvis Mitchell

About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens

If You’ve Ever Been Curious About How Semen is Collected for the Purposes of Dog Breeding, This Video is a Great Place to Start

Hey you!  I bet you love dogs, right?  Sure, we all do.  But how have you ever stopped to wonder how dog breeders get all that dog jizz?  Sure, we all have.  But the answer to that question is a … Continue reading

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What Does a State Treasurer Do?

If you’re like me, you’re so excited about Mike Gatto running for California State Treasurer that you have to go jerk off in the work bathroom three times a day.  But if you’re like me, then you’re also slightly curious … Continue reading

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COUNTERPOINT: California State Treasurer Candidate Fiona Ma’s Obsession With Excrement is Actually Sweet

When it comes to most things in life, the editors of this site are in total agreement.  For instance, we both think California State Treasurer Candidate Mike Gatto is a sweet dude.  We agree that his dick is huge and awesome.  … Continue reading

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If You Misuse Handicap Parking Placards, Mike Gatto Wants to Kick You in the Nuts

There are lots of people who steal handicapped parking places from the disabled by using ill-gotten parking placards.  Mike Gatto thinks that’s a bunch of bullshit, and promises to personally kick you in the nuts if he catches you. I … Continue reading

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FILM CRITICISM: That Human Centipede Was Not Anatomically Correct

When it comes to high-concept Hollywood blockbusters, we accept a certain amount of hyperbole in advertising.  And usually that’s not a problem because it’s fun to get excited about going to the movies by yourself and eating popcorn and masturbating. … Continue reading

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10 Legitimately Sweet Things About California State Treasurer Candidate Fiona Ma

Mike Gatto has had a lot of vicious enemies over the years.  There was the weird Armenian stalker guy who got slapped with a restraining order, and the dumbass bloggers who make shit up.  And of course, who could forget … Continue reading

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Fiona Ma: A Burrito is a Sandwich

(TRIGGER WARNING:  Before continuing with this article, we feel it’s important to issue a warning that some of our readers may find the opinions expressed by Fiona Ma to be upsetting, disrespectful of dismissive.) According to the saying, the third … Continue reading

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