Peace to the Enemies of Gatto

I called Daulton the other day and asked him if we should delete our “Enemies of Mike Gatto” section.  He said no, but it was an interesting conversation nonetheless.

Mike’s semi-retirement from the cutthroat world of Glendale politics has caused a bit of an existential dilemma for our esteemed site.  It will be challenging to cover a politician who is no longer politicking.  And since he won’t be politicking, it stands to reason that he won’t elicit the same degree of scrutiny from the shitty press.  And since the shitty press won’t be saying shitty things about Mike Gatto, then it stands to reason that we won’t need to defend him by calling his critics fat douchebags, fat douchebags who eat their own jizz, or any number of the signature witticisms that have colored our commentary over the years.

Following that train of thought, I concluded that it might be a good idea to not only delete our enemies section, but to methodically review our thousands of news articles and delete the instances in we insulted or antagonized someone who insulted or antagonized Mike Gatto.  Right or wrong, it all seemed like water under the bridge at this point.

But Daulton said no.  He made some excellent points.  First, a methodical review of every time we called somebody a fat douchebag or a fat douchebag who eats his own jizz could take months, and now that we’re working on a podcast and our site’s first feature film, we simply do not have the time to spare.

But second, and more importantly even, our old articles represent an invaluable historical document.  Our mission in founding this site was to chronicle the ascent of a generational leader, from his humble beginnings all the way to Pennsylvania Avenue.  To rewrite our honest accounts of those moments — to sand away the perfectly imperfect edges of history — would be a betrayal of our sacred mission.

As usual, Daulton was right.  But he did suggest I make this public post on the matter, explaining why our defensively offensive posts about Anthony Portantino, the Ottoman Turks or those bizarre foreskin crusaders will remain a part of our site, even if we no longer wish them any ill will.



About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
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