Mike Gatto Has a Billion Grandkids

Recently, Mike Gatto turned the entire world of Twitter on its head when he posted the below link:

The Tweet Heard 'Round the World.

The Tweet Heard ‘Round the World.

“Ah to be this couple,” commented the distinguished statesmen and owner of a dick so meaty he has to lug it in a wheelbarrow. Although Mr. Gatto may wish that some day he will convert his indestructible super sperm into a small army of mini-Mikes, I believe this perfect specimen is forgetting one thing…

Mike Gatto taught the world how to fuck.

Before young Michael Anthony Gatto deflowered his first filly at the age of 13, we were all doing it wrong. We were groping in the dark, literally, but like a sensual and tender jam by Isaac Hayes, Mr. Gatto added hot butter to our mashed potatoes.

And Mike can teach you too!

And Mike can teach you too!

So if we can all accept that without the 43rd District’s Doctor of Love we’d have no idea what we were doing in the bedroom – which obviously we all can – we can deduce that all children born after the loss of Gatto’s virginity are the product of his wisdom and truth and twat-slaying. This means that every child born after 1987 has Mike “The Man of a Thousand Dicks” Gatto to thank, and they can rightfully refer to him as “Daddy” whenever they want (all women over the age of consent also have this astonishing luxury).

Lucky ladies.

Lucky ladies.

This generation of learned cocksmiths have only begun to reproduce, but each and every one of their children are thereby technically Gatto’s grandchildren (this is simple science, please pay attention and follow along). If that number hasn’t reached the millions yet, it soon will. And by means of exponential expansion and hardcore, condom-less fucking (another issue Mike fought tirelessly for in the past), Papa Gatto will soon to be grandfather to a billion.

That's math, bitch!

That’s math, bitch!

So fear not, Mr. Gatto, your progeny will soon reach to the moon and back, much like your beautiful, jelly-filled horsecock.

Duh.

Duh.

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3 Responses to Mike Gatto Has a Billion Grandkids

  1. Daulton Gatto (no relation to Mike Gatto) says:

    Great article, Cyril! Your math is bang-on.

    I especially liked the graph. Always good to support our claims with hard data. (“Hard.” Get it?)

  2. Pingback: UC Tech: The Dream is Dead |

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