MIKE GATTO & AB1164: Astroturf is Sweet, Dude!

You know what’s sweet?  Grass.

No, Daulton.  I don’t mean weed, though weed is extremely sweet and Mike Gatto kinda agrees.  I’m talking about plain old normal grass that grows in your yard.  Or if you’re a resident of Southern California, it used to.

images Since the state’s been gripped by an epic drought, many homeowners have been left with only two choices:  let their lush, Burbanky yards wilt and die… or become giant assholes who frivolously squander water and get fined and shamed.

But thanks to Mike Gatto, they now have a third choice:  Astroturf.  It may sound fucking retarded, but in some SoCal cities (like Glendale and Burbank), it’s actually illegal for a homeowner to opt for fake grass.

Why would the city be in business of making stupid, bullshit Nazi laws like that?  I guess because they’re fucking snobs who think their real grass is so fucking goddamned special and righteous.  Well, thankfully all it took was a disastrous drought of Biblical proportions to make them reconsider. article-2569919-1BE52E0C00000578-847_964x641 Mike Gatto recently announced he’s begun work on AB1164, a state bill that will make it illegal for cities in California to ban fake grass.  Mike’s deputy communications director seems confident the bill could reach the Governor’s desk by September.

But expect the usual bullshit complications and bureaucratic redtape.  Mike not only has to overturn laws that ban Astroturf, but also has to kill similar laws that regulate the what percentage of a lawn must be comprised of living matter.  And of course, there’s going to have to be all sorts of commissions and inspections and licenses and all the other bullshit that makes California such a shitty place to live in so many ways.

If you ask me, Astroturf fucking rules.  If you don’t have to cut grass, you have far more time to smoke grass.  And smoking weed fucking rules.  Mike Gatto fucking rules.  Suck it. 72620_374885515958054_2032850326_n

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About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
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