Why The Sierra Madre Tattler is Fucking Retarded

In today’s update of The Most Retarded Shit Imaginable, the pigfuckers at the Sierra Madre Tattler have doubled down on their retarded conspiracy theory that this esteemed journal, Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude, is written by none other than Mike Gatto himself.

There are a lot of reasons why this belief is stupid.  First, as I already explained, Mike Gatto is an extremely busy, extremely good-looking, extremely popular man.  He simply wouldn’t not have the time or the need to stroke his ego in such an pathetically hyperbolic manner.

Second, let’s say Mike Gatto did decide to secretly start a fansite dedicated to himself… then why, as a non de plume, would he choose the name “Gatto?”   Daulton Gatto… Mike Gatto… if his goal was to throw readers off his scent, why wouldn’t he pick — oh, I don’t knowliterally any other name in the whole history of the fucking universe.  It doesn’t make any goddamn sense!

Third, remember that time a bunch of our readers joined us in attending Mike Gatto’s appearance at a La Crescenta Valley Town Counsel meeting?  We took acid and drank a bunch of beers and were ready to have a sweet time, but Gatto flaked on the meeting because he got “held up” in Sacramento.  Well, it happened.  We were there.  We took pictures, and we wrote about it.  So how the fuck did that happen if we don’t exist?

Gatto nation

In the face of such glaring logical inconsistencies, what evidence does the Tattler actually offer to defend their crackpot conspiracy theory?  Only this… because our site is so “slavishly” pro-Gatto, only Gatto could have written it.

This doesn’t make any goddamn fucking sense either.  First, fansites always say nice shit about the subject of their fandom.  That’s because they’re written by fans, and the principal defining characteristic of a fan is that they fucking like something.  Derrrrrr…

Second, there are billions fansites dedicated to billions of politicians, musicians, authors, animals, commercial products, popular trends and what-the-fuck else ever.  In addition to my work on Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude, I also happen to be a proud member of several Guns N’ Roses Internet fan forums, and the fact that fans say nice things about Axl Rose is not itself proof that they are all written by Axl Rose.

Godfuckingdamnit.  You know why this shit pisses me off?  Because it’s jackass pseudo-journalists like the Sierra Madre Tattler that discredit the entire world of news blogs.  At a legit news source, an editor would have required some actual investigation and evidence to substantiate a claim as ludicrous as a politician running a pornographic fansite dedicated to himself.

Instead of an editor demanding proof before an article is published, these clowns get judges demanding apologies after-the-fact.  If the Tattler continues with this demonstrably untrue and slanderous fantasy, they’ll surely risk incurring the same legal wrath that has silenced other Gattophobe bloggers who think it’s okay to lie as long as it’s online.

 

Advertisements

About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Why The Sierra Madre Tattler is Fucking Retarded

  1. Pingback: EXCLUSIVE: The Sierra Madre Tattler Admits to Bestial Pig Sex |

  2. Pingback: We Are Not Anthony Portantino |

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s