5 Easy Tips to Avoid Getting Raped by Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby is more than a funny guy on TV — he’s also a serial rapist whose 30 year, cross country rape-spree has been largely ignored by the media and the justice system.  Since nobody else is interested in protecting you, you’ll need to protect yourself.  Here are 5 easy tips to avoid getting raped by Bill Cosby.

5.  Avoid Bill Cosby

This one might seem obvious, but the best way to keep Bill Cosby from raping you is to stay as far away from Bill Cosby as possible.  Sure, he’s funny and beloved and powerful… but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a rapist.

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4.  Be a Man

Bill Cosby’s rape victim’s all share one striking similarity… they’re all women.  So to avoid being raped by Bill Cosby, simply do not be a woman.

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3.  Bite His Penis Off

As Don Lemon, an CNN anchor recently suggested during an interview with one of Cosby’s victims, the easiest way to not get raped by Bill Cosby is to simply bite his penis off.  Like, duh.  Take it from the most trusted name in news:  If Bill Cosby rapes you and you don’t bite his penis off, you only have yourself to blame.

2.  Surgically Remove Your Vagina/Rectum/Mouth

Where you gonna put that bonner now, smart guy?  Sure, stitching your orifices up may seem drastic, but how badly do you not want to get raped by Bill Cosby?

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1.  Kill Yourself

Would Bill Cosby rape a corpse?  Probably not.

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About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
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