Today is election day, and the authors of Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude have decided to offer their official endorsement to Mike Gatto in the race for California’s 43rd State Assembly District because he is a fucking sweet dude with a giant horse cock and two great big balls of steel.
Throughout the course of this heated campaign, we have refrained from officially endorsing either candidate. We felt that our role as journalists necessitated a certain degree of objective impartiality. Thankfully, we no longer need to maintain that charade. Now that it’s election day, we’re free to openly admit what every sensible voter in the 43rd district already knows… Mike Gatto is a fucking sweet dude with a giant horse cock and two great big balls of steel.
On the other hand, we would like to officially declare that Todd Royal is a giant douche-turd. For those who don’t know, a douche-turd is the turd that oozes out of someone’s vagina after she douches with a turd. Douche-turd = not sweet, dude.
There are a lot of reasons we’d endorse Mike Gatto, including his triumphant film and TV tax incentive bill, his new laws cracking down on hit and run drivers, and his tireless defense of the Nagorno Karabakh Republic. But in the end, it all comes down to one issue… Sweetness.
Mike Gatto was, is and will forever be an extremely sweet dude. Meanwhile, Todd Royal is about as sweet as a turd that oozes out of someone’s vagina after she douches with a turd. We hope voters will remember this when they vote today.