International Fuck Machine Mike Gatto recently squared off with his opponent in the race for California State Assembly. Wait, I know what you’re about to say. You’re about to say, “But Jarvis, I didn’t even realize Mike Gatto had an opponent in the race for California State Assembly!”
Well, the reason you weren’t aware of Todd Royal is because he’s helplessly outmatched and underfunded. He’s run a campaign that’s been virtually nonexistent. My morning shit created more noise than Royal’s whole pathetic dumbass campaign.
I didn’t watch the debate because I didn’t know about it, but I did read this one blog post about it, and feel sufficiently informed enough to draw the conclusions that our readers want me to draw. Mike Gatto mopped the floor with Royal’s severed scrotum. And I’m not speaking metaphorically — Gatto literally ripped off Royal’s nutsack and cleaned up a drink that he only spilled to give himself a reason to rip off Royal’s nutsack in the first place.
But there were other fireworks. Gatto and Royal clashed over ways to boost California’s economy. Gatto talked about cracking down on nuisance lawsuits by closing loopholes exploited by shady attorneys. And naturally, he bragged about his dick-stompingly awesome Film & TV tax incentive bill. On the other hand, Royal suggested we eliminate all taxes on LLC’s. Sounds pretty fucking stupid to me.
Gatto also talked about plans for the remediation of LA ground water as means to fight the effects of our new water-free environment. Royal came up with some bizarre idea about changing where rivers flow so they flow back into the city. What the fuck is that shit? A goddamn Kevin Costner movie?
This isn’t even a contest. The Republicans should be fucking embarrassed as shit to have that dumbass washed up actor / caterer representing them. Just look at these dumbass videos he posts of himself. And look at this dumbass shit too. And this? Oh yeah, and all this top 10 list of dumbass shit about that fuck-wit, Todd Royal. Sweet, dude.