A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. The same is true for the stench of ISIS radicals who suck jizz from animal boners. So why are there so many names for the Islamic State? Because both sides are trying to gain ground in the public relations battle. Rhetoric matters.
They want to be called The Islamic State, because it sounds fucking bad ass. It sounds definitive and omnipotent. It’s like when a band like Metallica releases a self-titled album halfway through their careers. It’s a powerful statement… you thought you knew Metallica, but no… THIS is Metallica.
Some people like to call them ISIS, for the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria. Except for the “state” part, that’s a pretty accurate statement. ISIS isn’t a recognized state and has no functioning system of governance, but does occupy a portion of land in Iraq and Syria — most of which is sparsely populated desert wasteland that was relatively easy to take. ISIS doesn’t like the name ISIS, however, because it implies that they’re confined to that small region, which they are.
Still others prefer the name ISIL, which stands for the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant. What the fuck is “the Levant?” It’s a name British colonialists used to describe the region, and using a name that’s distinctly un-Islamic to describe their precious caliphate is a dig that’s certainly not lost on al-Baghdadi. It’s a not-to-subtle reminder that they’ve been our bitch for centuries before, and will continue being our bitch for centuries more.
The esteemed authors of this blog, however, would like to suggest a compromise name that all sides should find agreeable: ISOFDWLTSJFAB, or The Islamic State of Dudes Who Like to Suck Jizz From Animal Boners.