Who Can Protect Us From the Grenco Sciences of the World?

I just got back from taking a shit, and I was thinking… who can we depend on to protect us from the Grenco Sciences of the world?  Nobody.  Not in today’s America.  Not with some states clinging stubbornly to regressive and destructive marijuana prohibition laws and a federal government that sees no difference between a dude with a joint and a dude slinging heroin.

Who can protect us from cheap, shitty Chinese plastic crap that breaks and hucksters like Grenco Science who sell that crap to people like me?  Uncle Sam.

Who can protect us from cheap, shitty Chinese plastic crap that breaks and hucksters like Grenco Science who sell that crap to people like me? Uncle Sam.

See, I used to live in Los Angeles, which was sweet for a lot of reasons and shitty for some other ones.  But the sweetest part about LA was that weed was almost but not quite legalized.  Weed was everywhere.  I once saw a dad smoking a bowl while he walked down the sidewalk with his kids.

But it got too big too quickly.  I read that at its peak, there were more weed shops in LA than Starbucks and MacDonald’s combined.  Even still, crime hadn’t swept the city.  People weren’t getting raped or machined gunned in the streets, and nobody’s kids were being abducted into cartels.

But then some grandstanding career politicians who hopscotch between municipal and state offices started using pot shops as a way to wring votes out of easily frighten-able old people who happen to vote in large numbers.  They implemented a series of ill-conceived, reactionary bills to try and restrict the weed shops’ free markets.

But there was no putting the genie back in the bottle.  Supply and demand were the same.   And despite the fear-mongering of asshole politicians, communities remained tolerant and accepting of their friendly neighborhood weed smokers — to the point where dads could freely smoke bowls in public with their kids.The only practical effect on the weed market was that a bunch of quality neighborhood shops that had been around for years were suddenly closed without warning.

But weed didn’t go away.  New shops would continually replace the ones that were closed, but they were infinitely shittier and shadier.  No reasonable, responsible business owner would invest in a weed shop with the knowledge that they could be shut down at any moment and have their assets seized.

The new generation of weed shops were run by Russian and Armenian gangsters who planned to grab as much cash as they could in the months before their inevitable closure.  They didn’t invest in their shops or their communities.  And they stocked terrible, shitty weed because they didn’t care about weed or the people who smoked it.  They’d sell anything that was green and came in a duffel bag.

This Micro G vape pen by Grenco Science fucking sucked.

This Micro G vape pen by Grenco Science fucking sucked.

And that’s the same fucking bullshit I’m having to deal with now that both my Micro G-pen marijuana wax concentrate vape pens by Grenco Science broke.  Basically, because weed is semi-legal at best, no real businesses or reputable venture capitalists are going to invest in the industry.  Because it’s legally questionable, it will attract the legally questionable… the grifters and the snake oil salesman and the fly-by-night con-artists like Grenco Science, who sold me two Mico G pens that both broke in days while my friend Jorge’s vape pen was the tits.  

Fuck that static.  That’s why weed needs to be legalized… so we can have some goddamn  motherfucking consumer protections.  It’s bullshit that scam artists like Grenco Sciences are allowed to victimize sweet dudes like me.  It’s bullshit that our government is complicit in that victimization.  It’s bullshit that I have no fucking recourse!  All I wanted to do was smoke a little weed at the Grand Canyon.  I’m not a fucking monster, goddamn it!

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About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
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One Response to Who Can Protect Us From the Grenco Sciences of the World?

  1. Pingback: This Year I’m Thankful for Mike Gatto |

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