Well, I had to forgo filling my second prescription for burn cream, and Jarvis had to skip his monthly monster truck rally, but we managed to round up enough money to hire a PI to get to the bottom of this The Rise and Fall of Mike Gatto fiasco. Based on our dick’s preliminary investigation, a couple of interesting facts have surfaced.
First, our PI cleared Mike “Mayor Sam” Higby, Peter Musurlian and Todd Royal of any possible involvement in the authorship of the play. The jury is still out on Bukkake Ron Kaye. Even a professional detective believes that the piece’s preoccupation with animal boners means Bukkake Ron cannot be ruled out as a suspect. Our PI also thinks Caryl Churchill could still be behind it, largely due to the play’s celestial ascent to the zenith of dramatic artistry.
More to the point, our detective uncovered shocking evidence that the play may in fact have been authored by two hapless stoners in a desert cabin in Joshua Tree, California sometime in March of this year. He submitted these photos as evidence:
If anyone has any information on the activities of two highly stoned dudes who were known to be in the Joshua Tree area around that time, please, for the love of God, fucking email me at firstname.lastname@example.org RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
In the meantime, I will swallow my pride and issue an official apology to Mike Higby, Peter Musurlian and Todd Royal for accusing them of any involvement. This investigation has made it clear that, somewhere out there, a couple of wackos are mounting an assault on everything we hold dear. While we will never officially sanction your opposition to the King of Sweetness, Mike Gatto or his policies, in this one sense, we must stand united against the perpetrators of this blasphemous act of slander.
The irony of the whole situation really makes me suspect Caryl Churchill, but for now, we’re going to continue investigating the hapless stoners angle. Either way, we know we will get to the bottom of this on Thursday, September 25 at the Echo Country Outpost, 1770 Glendale Blvd., at 8pm.