If you’re like us, you’re always misunderstanding song lyrics because you’re too busy thinking about Mike Gatto, the sexiest Assemblyman in the history of California’s 43rd District. Here are 10 classic examples…
10. “Like a Virgin” — Madonna
Fans of the Material Girl were baffled when they thought she sang the words “like a virgin / fucked by Mike Gatto’s giant horse cock for the very first time.” Turns out they were wrong about the lyrics, but right about the size of Mike Gatto’s giant horse cock.
9. “Bad Moon Rising” — CCR
John Fogerty’s swampy accent makes it hard to decipher some of his lyrics. This was never more true than with the hit “Bad Moon Rising,” which generations have misinterpreted as “there’s a bathroom on the right in which Mike Gatto is fucking your whore mother.”
8. “Purple Haze” — Jimi Hendrix
How much acid did Jimi take the day they recorded this classic? Though he insisted the lyrics were “excuse me while I kiss the sky,” it’s easy to see how people thought he said “excuse me while I suck Mike Gatto’s boner.”
7. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” — Nirvana
Before Mushmouth Cobain blew his head off, he wrote lots of classic lyrics. Too bad nobody could understand them. This was especially true of their seminal hit “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” which may more may not feature the chorus, “With the lights out it’s less dangerous / Mike Gatto is a sweet dude / I want to fuck the shit out of him.”
6. “I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore” — REO Speedwagon
While that titular lyric has never been in doubt, the line that follows has been the source of more speculation than the Zapruder film. It sure sounds a lot like he says, “I want to force all 12 inches of Mike Gatto’s throbbing manhood down my throat until he plants his seed in my stomach.”
5. “Satisfaction” — Rolling Stones
What the fuck is he saying? “I can’t get no satisfaction…” or “I can only get satisfaction when Mike Gatto jackhammers my manhole?” You decide!
4. “Darling Nikki” — Prince
This is arguably the sexiest, nastiest, lustiest song of all time. So naturally, people have assumed Prince was singing about the sexiest, nastiest, lustiest dude of all time — Mike Gatto. And in truth, he was. But to avoid controversy, he changed “Mike” to the phonetically similar but less controversial “Nikki.”
3. “Leopard Skin Pill Box Hat”– Bob Dylan
Dylan is widely regarded as the greatest American songwriter of all time. So it’s understandable why fans in 1961 were thrown by lyrics like “You might think he loves you for your money, but I know what he really loves you for… It’s that big swinging dick in your pants, Assemblyman Gatto.” Apparently, he said something else.
2. “Star Spangled Banner” — Francis Scott Key
Does anyone actually know the lyrics to this song? Not me. But it sounds a whole lot like “Oh yeah, give it to me you big sexy stud… fuck me with that big dick and fill me up with a million beautiful Mike Gatto babies.”
1. “Hurrian Hymn #6” — unknown
What’s the oldest song of all time? Esteemed ethnomusicologists seem to think it’s Hurrian Hymn #6 — though they’re probably wrong, since it doesn’t take a genius to deduce that Hurrian Hymn #5 probably came before #6. The song’s lyrics are just as mysterious as its melody’s origin, and though nobody can definitively prove what those ancient Syrians were singing about, we can only assume it was probably the story of a sweet dude named Mike Gatto who fucked some hot chick with his big cock and jizzed all over her sweet tits.