10 Things Only Mike Gatto Could Fuck

According to rumors we’ve started, Mike Gatto has a giant cock that is both awesome and super sweet.  Here’s a list of then things that only Mike Gatto and his awesome, super sweet cock could fuck.

10.  The Lærdal Tunnel

With a length of 15 miles and a width of 30 feet, this tunnel connecting the Norwegian cities of Lærdal and Aurland is the longest commuter tunnel in the world.  It’s also the perfect size for Mike Gatto’s big dick to fuck it.img_0035

9.  A Brachiosaurus

Much like other sauropod dinosaurs, the Brachiosaurus was known for its quadrupedal gait, high-ellipsoid cross section and enormous vagina — which would have been perfect for Mike Gatto to fuck with his big cock.Taylor-SVP-Brachiosaurus-fig7-reconstruction-R3

8.  The Ekati Diamond Mine

Canada’s first surface and ground diamond mine has been a metaphorical gold mine since it was opened in 1998.  Maybe with a little KY Jelly, it could also accommodate Mike Gatto’s fat, juicy cock.ekati-diamond-mine

7.  The Stargate

This mythological portal between dimensions looks an awful lot like an intergalactic cock ring Mike Gatto could use to fuck sexy aliens.

Stargate

6.  The World’s Largest Apple Pie

It took 37,000 pounds of apples to bake this recording-breaking pie — which is over a thousand square feet!  It would take a lot of dick to fuck a pie that big.  Thankfully, Mike Gatto has a lot of dick.KUA_Pie_1

5.  Danielle Gatto

Don’t get any ideas, dudes… this sexy blonde is not up for grabs.  She’s Mrs. Mike Gatto, and as such, she is something only Mike Gatto could fuck.

mike-and-danielle-gatto

4.  Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox

Obviously, Mike Gatto is neither gay nor into bestiality.  But if he was, he’d be having a threesome with these beloved American icons.

Paul_and_Babe_Web

3.  The Mariana Trench

Mike Gatto’s dick runs deep.  How deep?  So deep it put the sea to sleep.  In other words, about 35,000 feet.

mariana-trench-graphic-30812

2.  A Black Hole

Astrophysicists claim that nothing — not even light or gravity — can escape a black hole.  But we all know what can penetrate one:  Mike Gatto’s throbbing space boner.

hawking-blackhole-space-720

1.  The Virgin Mary’s Vagina

According to legend, the mother of Jesus was impregnated by the jizzy dick of God himself.  So in other words, Mike Gatto.

mary2

 

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About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
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3 Responses to 10 Things Only Mike Gatto Could Fuck

  1. Pingback: 5 Reasons “Alex L.” Is a Complete Poser who Is Unfit to Play the Role of Mike Gatto |

  2. Pingback: Mike Gatto OBLITERATES Todd Royal |

  3. Pingback: LA Times Buries The Lead |

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