BREAKING NEWS: Daulton Gatto Is Fucking Pissed Off

I’m so disappointed by Mike Gatto’s no-show at the La Crescenta Public Library that I’m <thisfuckingclose> to officially petitioning Jarvis to change the name of this blog to “Mike Gatto May Not Be As Sweet A Dude As We Initially Surmised.” And I know it’s not necessary to use a frou-frou adjective like “surmised,” but I happen to like that word, so FUCK YOU.

It is only thanks to TV game show marathons and my uncanny ability to cling to desperate hope that I am able to give the King of Sweetness the benefit of the doubt here. I know that if I were Mike Gatto, I’d have been at the library having hot chicks rub their tits against me. (Aside: chicks in libraries generally give me boners regardless of the situation.) But then again, if I were Mike Gatto, I probably wouldn’t be the co-proprietor of a maddeningly obscure and befuddling fan blog.

In summary, YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD FUCKING REASON FOR THIS, Mike Gatto…or else I will reveal the explosive secret I’ve been keeping since day one.

Hint:

(Daulton Gatto may actually be related to Mike Gatto after all. The truth is so scandalous that the Internet would literally explode if it were revealed.)

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About Daulton Gatto (no relation to Mike Gatto)

I am a sweet dude, but nowhere near as sweet as Mike Gatto. (I am not related to Mike Gatto. Our identical last name is purely a coincidence.)
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