The world is full of dudes who aren’t Mike Gatto, so it’s only logical to conclude that world is full of dudes who aren’t as sweet as Mike Gatto. Here are nine of those jerk-offs.
8. Kevin Sorbo may have played Hercules on TV, but his dick was anything but herculean. Mike Gatto could crush a man’s skull with one swift erection.
7. John Lennon was as famous for being a rockstar as he was for having a micro-penis. After sharing a gym shower with Mike Gatto, Lennon was so consumed with penis-envy that he shot himself with the gun in Mark David Chapman’s hand.
6. Nelson Mandela’s penis was eaten by a shark, and it never grew back. Despite his other accomplishments, he will unfortunately be remembered as the man whose penis was eaten by a shark.
4. Charlie “Bird” Parker was arguably the greatest jazzman of all time… but his dick left a lot to be desired. According to rumors, Bird earned his nickname for having small, feathered penis that ate regurgitated worms.
2. Bill Clinton’s dick is pretty sweet. But let’s face it, he squanders it on old hags and fat chicks. Not very sweet at all, if you ask Mike Gatto. He only puts his cock inside of hot chicks who aren’t old and most certainly aren’t fat.
1. Jesus “Son of Man” Christ may have turned water into wine, but he wasn’t so lucky when it came to turning his shriveled, bacteria-ridden, foreskined penis into something a chick would want to suck. He died a virgin. Meanwhile, Mike Gatto married a former Miss Orange County.