It’s come to our attention that our super sweet blog has once again been featured in Mayor Sam’s Sister City, run by incurable food addict Mike Bigby. As our regular readers know, Pigby is one of the longest-standing members of our enemies list, and a very easy target for fat jokes.
We’ve been seeing a spike in readership here at Mike Gatto Is a Sweet Dude, so we’d like to take the opportunity to clarify a couple of things that Bigby doesn’t get because he’s too busy licking the bottom of a bucket of fried chicken.
First, I am no relation to Mike Gatto. As my super sweet blogmate Jarvis Mitchell rightly pointed out, it is for reasons of journalistic integrity that this be made clear each and every time I am mentioned. Christ, even Tony had the good sense to do it.
Second, I want to restate what Jarvis and I stand for, through this quasar of super sweetness that is our blog:
1. Championing the Mike Gatto cause. Mike Gatto is a sweet dude who can do no wrong. We would stand by him even if it turned out that his sexy wife Danielle, a former Miss Orange County, was actually a postoperative transsexual foreskin crusader.
2. Exposing Mike Gatto’s enemies for the jealous hypocrites they are. It is our belief that most people who object to Mike Gatto and his policies are deeply envious of his devastating good looks, easy-breezy charisma, and unstoppable virility.
The fact that dicks come up a lot in our posts is an inevitable byproduct of any discussion involving Mike Gatto, the self-styled Sheriff of Big Dick County.
Enjoy our blog, blubberheads.
(Despite Mike Pigby’s grossly irresponsible oversights, I remain no relation to Mike Gatto. Christ, if my dick was as big as his, I wouldn’t be able to get my jeans on.)