Man, that was one dick-suckingly terrible week. Personally speaking, I’ve had diarrhea for two days and my cat’s gone missing again. That fucking sucks for me. But poor Mikey Gatto’s had an even shittier week. In fact, with the possible exception of those dumbasses who got ebola, Mike Gatto probably had the shittiest week in the whole world.
On the legislative front, Mike saw three of his super sweet bills stall in committee. His attempt to protect Native American lands from greedy real estate developers — unofficially dubbed the “Earnest Goes to Camp” bill — was scalped by a renegade group of “unrecognized” Native Americans.
Then some crazy cat ladies shut down AB2343, which extended $10 million for overburdened animal shelters, after a manipulative lobbying effort by renowned douchenugget Nathan J. Winograd.
And then finally, Gatto’s celebrated film & TV tax incentive bill looks like it could be headed down in flames too. Time and time again, Mike learned the hard way that it’s one thing to come up with an appealing name for a bill, but drafting a functional piece of legislation is a whole other beast.
And while those legislative stumbles sucked, what sucked the hardest were the personal betrayals. In a stunning reversal that shook Sacramento to its very foundation, Kevin “Douchebag” De Leon yanked the very film & TV tax bill he spent the last two years writing and championing with Gatto. What the fuck was that all about?
Then Kerri Kasem, who had been working with Mike to update family visitation laws, stabbed him in the back when she agreed to fill in for John and Ken, two AM Radio losers who have publically called Mike Gatto a “big throbbing weiner,” “a double-talking, lying, deceitful sack of crap,” and a host of other unnecessarily rude names.
These stumbles were contrasted with Todd Royal’s lightening ascent. MGIASD broke major news this week when we unearthed evidence that Royal could be a faery-hunting time-traveling CIA agent. As if Mike didn’t have enough on his plate.
Now excuse me, I have to go drain some more ass juice.