Is Todd Royal a Government Spy?

Earlier this week, MGIASD broke some major news when we revealed Todd Royal, Mike Gatto’s opponent for State Assembly, was leading a secret double life as a faery hunting, time-traveling cop from the Wild West.  Turns out that was just the tip of the iceberg.  The revelation of further documents suggest Royal’s work as an actor may itself be a front for his true identity… A government spy.

Check out this copy of Todd Royal’s acting resume, posted by the prestigious Blair Talent Management company of Hollywood, California.  There are some pretty boilerplate entries — years of Chekov method training followed by a few supporting roles in Hallmark and Lifetime original movies…

Screen shot 2014-08-06 at 9.34.40 AM

…yeah, that’s pretty sweet.  But nothing out of the ordinary, right?  Not so fast, asshole.  Take a closer look at the list of Todd’s unique skills tacked on to the bottom of the page…

Screen shot 2014-08-06 at 9.42.02 AM

JESUSBUTTFUCKINGCHRIST!!!  Wrestling, weight-lifting, DEA firearm training, master skiier and swimmer, kickboxing and martial arts — and wait — he’s a fucking pastry chef too?!?!  This Royal guy knows how to do everything (except spell “political” apparently).  His resume even boasts that he can learn any language in a mere two weeks!  WHAT THE FUCK?

There are only two explanations I can come up with for a man displaying this level of proficiency across all areas of human achievement:  he is either the mythological Count of Saint Germain, or more likely, he is a top-secret government spy.  Did he, like Jason Bourne before him, violently cast off his agency overlords in an attempt to start a new life of his own?  But why then run for State Assembly?  Merely to thumb his nose at the black suits watching him from their clandestine den of flatscreen monitors?

Or just maybe — just maybe — “Todd Royal” is a deep-cover agent on a stealth mission to infiltrate the State Assembly in order to rewrite legislature to favor the CIA.  Perhaps he was carelessly overzealous when completing his dossier with the Blair Management company.   Either way, I think there’s clearly enough lurid speculation floating around that we in the media can officially dub this “Royalgate.”

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About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
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2 Responses to Is Todd Royal a Government Spy?

  1. Pingback: Mike Gatto and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week |

  2. Pingback: Mike Gatto Humiliates Todd Royal in First Debate |

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