Attention horny woman surfing the Internet for Mike Gatto themed masturbatory fodder… your search is over! Here’s our definitive list of the 10 hottest, sexiest, most clit-swelling pictures of Mike Gatto in the known universe!
10. Why’s this guy smiling? He probably glanced at a mirror and remembered he looks like Mike Gatto.
9. What would a summer be without the Oaks Homeowners Association’s annual summer picnic? And what would the Oaks Homeowners Association’s summer picnic be without Mike Gatto’s manly heavage? 91% less sexxxxxxxxy!!!
8. What’s sexier than a man who’s good with dogs? A man who’s good with dogs AND looks like the winner of Dean Martin look-a-like contest.
6. Perhaps the truest measure of man’s sexiness is how sexy his sexual partner is. Danielle Gatto (pictured to the immediate right of Gatto) is clearly one damn fine tomato. But don’t take our word for it… just ask the voters who elected her Miss Orange County.
5. You know what’s sexier than a good father? A man who isn’t yet a father but brings a stack of books to a playground and reads to strangers’ kids so he can appear fatherly in his first campaign. God fucking damn it, how could you not vote for a sexy motherfucker like that?
4. Once upon a time, some retarded pig-fuckers with a blog for idiots tried to mock Mike Gatto by capturing unflattering screen-grabs of him. They failed.
3. There’s more to being sexy than just being strong. In his 1982 title bout with James “Clubber” Lang, Mike showed he’s got the brains to match his brawn. Gatto played possum for two brutal rounds, ensnaring Lang in a web of his own hubris. Dazed and winded, Clubber was easily blindsided and knocked-the-fuck-out.
2. Mike Gatto’s supreme sexiness is never more glaringly obvious than when he’s pictured next to a hideously normal person. Take for instance, Kenneth D. Freundlich, Esq. of Freundlich Law. They both spoke at a recent meeting of the Beverly Hills Bar Association. It’s not that Kenny’s ugly, necessarily. But when pictured next to Handsome Mike, one can’t help but assume he was the product of some failed genetic experiments.
1. Oh. Fuck. Yes. The infamous “Mike Gatto Shirtless” picture that set the Internet ablaze last year. The whole, un-cropped photo has yet to be located, but judging from his strong, broad shoulders and bulging, Daniel Baldwin-esque neckline, we can only assume it will be extremely super sweet.