Meet Todd Royal. He recently announced his candidacy for the position of State Assembly Representative for California’s 43rd district.
I know what you’re thinking… “But Jarvis, Mike Gatto is the State Assembly Representative for California’s 43rd district.” And I would say, “You’re right: he is.”
You’re right. He is. But Todd Royal is the unfortunate rube tasked by the Republicans to challenge Mike Gatto, a hugely popular incumbent in a district that overwhelmingly favors Democrats.
Destined to strike out yet still obligated to swing, the Republicans have offered up a man of modest accomplishments and an agenda so predictably bland it could have been written by an algorithm. Biographical information provided on the candidate’s website allude to vague artistic failures, followed by a catering stint. It was catering where Todd Royal learned first hand “the cost of employing individuals from all walks of life.” Jeez… that sounds more than a little racist.
Aside from working in the food service industry, Todd has also served on the Studio City Neighborhood Council — which is just absolutely adorable! His website offers a predictable melange of vague opinions on softball issues: Taxes? Against ’em! Education? For it! Drought? Stop it!
The authors of Mike Gatto Is a Sweet Dude are nothing if not sweet dudes themselves, and fairness is an intrinsic part of sweetness. It is within that regard that we would like to offer a preemptive olive branch to the Royal campaign. Despite our reputation for viciously defending Mike Gatto from his many enemies, we have every desire to see this campaign run in the the most esteemed and gentlemanly manner possible. We can only hope that the Royal campaign will accept our offer, which they should since he’s so obviously destined lose and should be willing to do so with grace and dignity.