No, loyal readers, despite our coincidental preoccupation with dicks over the past week or so, the above title is not a joke. I’m not sure how this managed to sneak under our radar for so long, but apparently an extremely strange individual who goes by the bizarre Internet sobriquet “Restoring Tally” has dubbed the handsome Sheriff of Sacramento himself as the “face of genital cutting in America,” and that kind of shit just ain’t gonna fly on Mike Gatto Is a Sweet Dude.
Restoring Tally identifies as a circumcised man that hates his circumcision. Whatever. That’s his problem — one of many. In a strange rant that can only be explained by the presence of pervasive mental illness, Restoring Tally explains that once he entered his 50s, he had a hard time keeping a boner and found it difficult to blow his load. Thanks for the info, weirdo. Anyway, somehow Mike Gatto, not advancing age or declining testosterone levels, is to blame for this. I’m not going to try to understand or explain the perverse logic behind his claims. If you want to try to make sense of it yourself, or if you’re dying to read about how Restoring Tally got his foreskin reattached, click here. (Incidentally, if you’re interested in having your own foreskin reattached, you’ll find lots of information, resources, and weird dudes in this foreskin restoration forum.) Oh, and the image which accompanies this post is taken directly from Restoring Tally’s stupid blog post and is completely unretouched.
Dicks and foreskin are not normally the focus of our super sweet blog, but when Restoring Tally claimed that Mike Gatto is the “face of genital cutting in America” because the Sheriff of Sweetsville introduced a bill banning communities from restricting circumcision, shit got personal. Then, when I read that Restoring Tally invited readers to “punch [Mike Gatto’s] ignorant barbaric face,” shit got real. Jarvis and I would like to formally invite anyone intent on trying to follow that advice to step up to us instead, if they have the foreskin. Contact us at MikeGattoIsASweetDude@gmail.com and we’ll arrange for you to be on the wrong end of a good old-fashioned ass-kicking.
Clearly, Mike Gatto has fucked lots of chicks and knows full well that chicks prefer dudes with circumcised cocks. Why else would he seek to ban restrictions on circumcision? He’s trying to help a new generation of young Californians grow up to be sweet dudes who blow their loads on hot chicks.
(Oh, and even though Mike Gatto and I are both proud owners of big, circumcised cocks, I am no relation to the fine Assemblyman. The fact that we share a surname is a super sweet coincidence.)