Mayor Sam Cries Like a Big Fat Baby

Remember that gelatinous blob who published a bunch of tabloid gossip about Mike Gatto?  The one that Gatto bitch-slapped with a lawsuit?  Yeah, that guy.

Well, he’s back at it his old fat tricks again.  Only this time, he’s not content to merely attack public servants like Mike Gatto.  Now he also wants to drink the blood of Mike Gatto’s supporters.

Recently, he attacked our site and called on Mike Gatto to personally denounce us.  And why?  Because Mayor Sam — the same filth-monger who never batted when it came to trashing our elected leaders — now suddenly thinks we’ve gone too far in criticizing him and other enemies of Mike Gatto.

Mike Pigby’s feathers were especially ruffled by a picture we ran in an article about LA Dragnet.  Apparently, the sight of a comical rubber phallus caused Higby’s undersexed brain to overheat.

Oh Jesus… is this what the world’s come to?  It’s just plain pathetic that the sight of a silly rubber wiener can plunge a grown man like Mike Bigby into a Puritanical conniption fit.

Mike Higby, if you are reading this, please… be careful on the Internet!  If the image of a rubber dong gets you that freakishly obsessed, then we better pray to God you never find any actual Internet pornography.  Your head just may explode!

Higby also feigns outrage over our joke about Nayiri Nahabedian’s anti-Gatto sentiments being rooted in her latent attraction to him.  If Higby can’t see why this is funny,  it has less to do with the concept of humor than it does with his obvious desire to possesses Mike Gatto sexually.

But of course, it’s all an act.  Higby’s as hypocritical as he is fat, and he loves ginning up a little controversy — just so long as the controversy is directed at those he hates.  While he considered our little jokes about people being sexually attracted to Mike Gatto to be morally inexcusable, he made a nearly identical joke at the expense of this site’s authors:

Man and [SIC] we thought the Burbank Blogger was an astroturfer who got their [SIC] pants wet for controversial Assemblyman Mike Gatto but [SIC] the latest pro-Gatto offering makes the Burbank Blogger look like a Gatto hater by comparison.

So in case you’re wondering about the conflicted moral code of Mike Pigby, here’s our best attempt at explaining it… it’s okay to make jokes about fans of Mike Gatto finding him attractive, but it is the moral equivalent of 9/11 to suggest that his enemies could also think he’s handsome.

It must be hard to think straight with all that fat on the brain.


About Jarvis Mitchell

author, politico, collector of pens
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One Response to Mayor Sam Cries Like a Big Fat Baby

  1. Pingback: The Top 10 Worst Things Said About Mike Gatto in 5 Minutes |

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