Well, Mayor Sam, you gone done it now. Here I was, just sitting minding my own business writing an article about Mike Gatto’s FREE tax preparation seminar and looking forward to my beer and game show marathon, when I found your latest batch of damnable slander. Your filthy lies have completely sucked all the momentum out of my Family Feud plans like the sweet, sweet custard you sucked out of that donut’s dickhole this morning.
Let me get this straight: you’re calling into question the integrity of the straightest-shooting sheriff Sacramento has ever seen by claiming he’s living at his mom’s house?
You? You? You who lives at home with your mommy and daddy, who cuddle you and bathe you and clothe you and feed you…and feed you and feed you and feed you and take out a second mortgage and feed you and feed you and feed you?
I’m going to keep this short and sweet, because I’ve had a hankering to play the Feud with Richard Dawson all week and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to get sucked any deeper into your blubbery, sad world. But let me ask you this:
Do you know what they call fat, angry losers who live in their parents’ basement and have nothing better to do than defame the good names of the state’s finest and most devastatingly handsome politicians?
Click here to find out. Now, I’m gonna plaaaaaay the Feud!
(Daulton Gatto is no relation to Mike Gatto. That they share a surname is purely a coincidence.)