New Podcasts are UP!


Much to my surprise, Daulton Gatto actually followed through with his promise to pay for the Soundcloud upgrade.  That means we’re now free to post our newest podcast, SPOTLIGHT ON ARMENIA.  This first episode provides an overview of Armenian history, and will prime listeners for future episodes in the series that will delve deeper into specific topics like art, cuisine and Holocaust denial.


And for those of our listeners uninterested in Armenian history or culture, you can sink your teeth into this juicy podcast extra, HOW DO YOU SPELL NUTSACK?  Daulton tries to convince me it’s spelled “nutsac.”  He’s such a dumbass.  It’s so sweet.



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2016 Election Recap!

If there was one word to describe the 2016 election, it would probably be stunning.  With 100% of the precincts reporting, it’s shaping up to be a very good night for Mike Gatto, a dude who’s not even on the ballot.


For anyone too stupid to know why this matters, Laura Friedman was Mike Gatto’s favored candidate in the race to replace him in the 43rd district.  She beat the shit out of Ardy Kassakhain, Anthony Portantino’s bitch.  Portantino and Gatto may have never faced off directly as we all assumed they would, but their fight — and by extension, the fight for the future of the state party — has raged on through several notable proxies.

That other proxy would be Angela Rupert, who even though she lost, gave Adrin Nazarian (aka Dildo Assmouth) a real run for his money considering her candidacy was a late-breaking write-in hail marry.

Now both Friedman and Rupert have established themselves as viable progressive voices in the party.  Portantino may have won his race, but it’s hard to not interpret these results a referendum on his vision for the Gatto-phobic future of the party.

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SWEET NEWS: More Podcasts Forthcoming 

Good news, sweet dudes: there will be more podcasts in your stream any day now.  Our resident lazy turd, Daulton Gatto, has decided to pony up the seven bucks a month to host more episodes of our awesome podcast.  And that’s a good thing because we already have two more finished episodes in the can!  Check back soon for SPOTLIGHT ON ARMENIA, our new series that explores the proud history and culture of Armenia!!!


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We Got a New Sweet Podcast

Daulton and I went on a bit of a podcasting spree while his mother, Betty Gatto, was out of town for a while.  She was probably sucking dicks.  That’s so sweet.

Anyways, we put together an all new episode featuring news of Mike Gatto, some reader submitted sex fantasies, and a collection of prank calls Daulton and I made to talk radio shows.  We also produced a podcast extra on the correct spelling of “nutsack,” as well as the first episode of Spotlight on Armenia, a new series in which we celebrate the history and culture of Armenia.

Unfortunately, we’re unable to post those other podcasts because we’ve exceeded our free upload allotment at SoundCloud.  After years of doing all the of the work and paying all of the bills for our site, I’ve decided to let Daulton step up to the plate and do something for once.  So unless he can overcome his terminal laziness and stinginess and pay the $7 a month fee, this may be the last Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude podcast.  Which would be a shame because Spotlight on Armenia is probably our finest work.

Oh yeah, and in order to post our new podcast, SoundCloud had to take down our first one.  So again, until Daulton can become 1% less lazy, that’s gone too.

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Angela Rupert is a Sweet Dude

It’s highly unusual for our site to endorse or otherwise advocate on behalf of a candidate not named Mike Gatto, but in the race for the State Assembly’s vaunted 46th district, we couldn’t be more pleased to announce our support for Angela Rupert.


Rupert is waging an underdog write-in campaign against the entrenched establishment powers of Adrin Nazarian, or as he’s also known, Dildo Assmouth.  Despite the long odds, she’s got a slick site and a host of appealing stances on issues like education, the environment and immigration.

According to baseless slander from the Dildo Assmouth’s unofficial campaign mouthpiece, Rupert was clandestinely recruited by Mike Gatto to face off against Dildo Assmouth as some sort of retribution against Anthony Porkertino, Dildo Assmouth’s sackmaster.

So far, we’ve been unable to prove whether or Gatto and Rupert are politically aligned, but they certainly seem to be drawn from the same superior DNA pool.  She’s a hot chick, he’s a hot dude, and they’re both so extremely sweet that I get a major boner when I imagine them fucking.

Sadly, the same can not be said of Pokertino and Dildo Assmouth, as they are both ugly and stupid and eat their each other’s shit.  Quite frankly, Sacramento already has enough fat, ugly assholes licking the shit off each other’s butt dildos.  It is within that regard that our site is pleased to offer it’s official endorsement to Angela Rupert in the race for the 46th Assembly district.


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Mayor Sam Podcast TAKEDOWN!

Gooooooooood Morning Gatto Nation!  It’s been a week or so since our glorious internet takedown of Mayor Sam, that shitty blog that posted a bunch of shitty bullshit about Mike Gatto.  It was so awesome when I think about it,  a little bit of pre-cum bubbles to the tip of my dickhole.

I love jizz.  That’s why Daulton and I decided we should tape an entire podcast dedicated to how shitty that bullshit Mayor Sam article was.  But we don’t stop there… we also discuss Anthony Portantino’s fatness and his former Chief of Staff Trent Hager’s stupidity in using Ashely Madison to try and cheat on his wife.  This podcast is so awesome that when I think about it, that little dot of pre-cum on the tip of my dickhole turns into a full-on raging torrent of hot, salty jizz.  That is so sweet.

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Fuck You and Fuck Your Stupid Bullshit: Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude

What the fuck is wrong with Scott Johnson at Mayor Sam?  If this is old news to you, then I apologize.  But we’ve been so busy getting extremely stoned and recording a podcast and a concept album about Mike Gatto that we’ve been a little slow to notice every time our sweet Prince gets maligned by some butthole with an axe to grind.

A couple of weeks ago Scott “Frothy” Johnson posted this bullshit garbage article about how Mike Gatto was oh so mean to notorious pants-shitter Anthony Portantino, and how because he was so mean to that notorious pants-shitter, nobody in Sacramento likes him.

Of course, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  As we recently reported, Mike “Dean of the Assembly” Gatto, was honored by his esteemed colleagues in an major dick-suck-a-thon on the floor of the Assembly.   If anything, state Democrats are far more weary of Portantino, as this exclusive spy video of rogue DSCC delegates seems to suggest.

It’s actually kinda difficult to follow what the fuck Frothy Johnson is talking about in his stupid article for people who eat their own shit.  He skips around from topic to topic like a coked up Rhesus Monkey and uses a bunch of stupid  nicknames that only he his 5 readers understand.  His fucking blog posts read like ransom notes that have been taped together from other blog posts.  Whatever.  Among his other tirades:

Mike Gatto Wants to “Cleanse Armenians”

Mike Gatto wants to “cleanse Armenians” from the democratic process.  Is it 2008 again? That’s when Frothy Johnson and crackpot whackjob Peter Musurlian pathetically tried to paint Gatto as anti-Armenian because he had the gall to run for elected office against a person of Armenian heritage.

So how’d that turn out?  Oh right… Gatto was personally commended by none other than THE PRESIDENT OF ARMENIA for advancing Armenian causes in a variety of ways, such as extending the statute of limitations for genocide survivors to seek legal reparations, participating in countless Armenian Holocaust ceremonies, condemning the Ottoman Turks, praying with primates, and forcefully asserting the CA State Legislature into the struggle for Nagorno Karabakh’s independence.


And what happened to Peter Musarlian?  Oh yeah, a judge condemned his “unhealthy obsession” with Mike Gatto before issuing a restraining order.  So cheers Mayor Sam… that’s some fine company you keep.

Oh yeah… and in all these years, what has Scott Johnson done for the Armenian community he cares so much about?  How many times has he used his media megaphone to speak to any of these same issues championed by Mike Gatto?  Or does Frothy Johnson only care about Armenians insofar they it allow him a cheap, cynical line of attack against a politician he doesn’t like?  If you ask me, it’s pretty goddamned shitty to appropriate the pain and suffering of the Armenian Genocide for such ignoble purposes.  Don’t expect Scott “Frothy” Johnson to receive a Mkhitar Gosh Medal of his own any time soon.

Mike Gatto is to Blame for Portantino Campaign’s Ashley Madison Problem

According to a recent story in the Los Cerritos News, Anthony Portantino’s notoriously sleazy former Chief of Staff Trent Hager’s email address was among those exposed in the Ashely Madison hack.  And for some reason, It’s all Mike Gatto’s fault.

What a fucking dumbass.  Look, I don’t give a fuck about the morality of Trent Hager or anyone on Anthony Portantino’s staff fucking hookers or cheating on their adoring wives.  To be perfectly honest, I think fucking chicks is so sweet that it completely negates things like morality or honesty.  Pussies rule, dicks rule and so does jizzing.  End of story.


What I do have a problem with, however, is being a stupid fucking dumbass like Trent Hager and the other political hacks who got hacked in the Ashely Madison scandal.  Look, if you want to fuck chicks, go fuck chicks.  It’s easy… walk out into the world, where chicks make up more than 50% of the population, talk to some of them, get to know a few, then fuck one.  It’s pretty goddamned fucking simple if you ask me.

At no point in this process does Trent Hager, Anthony Portantino or anyone else need to register for an Internet website, hand over their credit card information, submit their email addresses, or post their goddamned motherfucking pictures on an electronic hooker-fucking service.  That’s just common sense for any dude who wants to cheat on his wife.  But for a fucking politician to be that fucking stupid?  Well, I’m sorry… there’s no way you can hang that level of idiotic dipshit behavior on Mike Gatto.

And for those with good memories, yes that’s the same Trent Hager that the Burbank Blogger accused of secretly authoring our venerated site, Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude.  I know… why would Anthony Portantino’s Chief of Staff spend 8 years making albums, recording podcasts, writing plays, novels and countless news articles about a politician he doesn’t work for?  It can only make sense to the warped, paranoid minds of those who dwell within the bubble of sadness known as politics.

Mike Gatto Lives With His Mother

Frothy Johnson also dredges up one of the most bizarre accusations ever leveled at Mike Gatto:  that he secretly lives at home with his mother.  Well, I guess dudes who use websites to buy hookers are probably the experts on living with their mothers.

This lunatic conspiracy theory was among those leveled at Mike early in his career.  A few bloggers who like to eat their own shit and drink their own urine, ran a bullshit story about how Mike’s residence was fudged in order to quality for the election to the 43rd district.  Gatto retaliated with totally justified legal action, and the offending bullshit articles were removed.

To a normal person, that would be the end of the story.  That’s why it’s so odd to see Frothy Johnson dredge up that tired bullshit again after all these years and all Gatto’s successful legislating.  Jesus Christ, Frothy Johnson… get a fucking life.  Go fuck a hooker.


Gatto/Portantino’s Proxy War in the 46th District

So this one’s new to me, but apparently there’s a conspiracy theory being floated amongst the pants-shitting, hooker-fucking crew in the Portantino campaign that Mike Gatto is secretly waging a proxy write-in campaign in the race for the 46th State Assembly district.

Why would Gatto give a shit about the Assembly’s 46th district when he’s not even running for his own district anymore?  It all has to do with the the long-simmering rift between the young, dynamic, progressive, sexy candidates of the party’s future and the bloated, fat, pants-shitting dinosaurs of its past.  Mike Gatto represents the future, and this threatens the pants-shitting political establishment represented by Anthony Portantino and his favored sackboy, Adrin Nazarian.

It’s long been reported that Nazarian is so close to Portantino that he’s practically living in one of his fat folds.  So now, like Russia and the US waging a proxy war through Syria, the Gatto and Portantino teams are duking it out through proxies in the 46th district.


The Portantino/Nazarian camp is incensed that a seemingly well-funded and well-organized write-in candidate has emerged to challenge Nazasrian in the primary — because God forbid anybody ever challenge an incumbent!  

Eric Hacopian, one of Nazarian’s goons, told the Sacramento Bee, “There is no doubt, based on all the evidence, that Angela Rupert’s entry into this race was planned and organized by Mike Gatto.”

He then went on to detail no evidence, and instead tried to hyperbolize the fact that some of her people and some of his people had supported similar causes at various points in their political careers.  Oh, and that some of them knew each other after years of working and living in the same small pond.  So his bullshit “evidence” could be used to connect anybody in the history of the Democratic Party, or any party for that matter.

Hahaha…  That’s a pretty fucking sweet line about a Hail Mary without a football.  I’m going to rip that one off.  Anyways, Rupert will still lose because she’s a write-in fighting an entrenched, supremely financed political juggernaut.  So ultimately none of this matters one goddamn bit and shouldn’t be a story at all, much less a story with legs.
But it’s nice to know Angela Rupert got under Porkertino’s skin.  And if Mike “Big Dick of Sweetness” Gatto actually was the mastermind behind it all, then good for him too.  Way to make Portantino, Nazarian and Frothy Johnson look like stupid assholes for no reason at all!  Apparently, they’ve all got a Trump reflex, and Mike Gatto knows just how to tickle it.

Gatto Accuses Frothy Johnson of Being a $hill

Finally, Frothy Johnson digs deep into the vault to unearth the time Mike Gatto accused Johnson himself of being secretly bankrolled by Eric Hacopian.  He didn’t really offer any proof either, but then who does these days?
As the LA Weekly concluded, “To be fair, Johnson has taken the side of many Hacopian clients, including Nahabedian, Adrin Nazarian, Luis Lopez and Rudy Martinez.”  So by the standards used to blame Mike Gatto for Angela Rupert’s write-in campaign in the 46th district, Johnson seems like a $hill to me.
But hey, I honestly give about as many fucks about $hilling as I do about fucking hookers.  I’d happily accept money from anybody who wanted to pay me to say shit online.  Who cares about what dumbasses say online?  It’s all just a cesspool of meaningless bullshit anyways.  A blog can be wrong 99 times, but it doesn’t matter as long as they’re right once.  Nobody expects integrity from the world of politics or blogging, and for fuck’s sake, especially not political blogging.  So yeah, Lance Armstrong used steroids, the sky is blue, dudes with big dicks fuck hot chicks, and political bloggers are probably just as crooked as the name would imply.   But no judgement.  A guy’s gotta make a living.

In Conclusion

So in summary, I would like to say fuck you to Mayor Sam for that last stupid shitty article that sucked.  Fuck your bullshit.  Mike Gatto is a sweet dude with a giant cock and two amazingly soft balls, and he dominated the State Assembly like a Japanese chick in a porno.  And once he’s good and ready, he’s going to dominate the State Treasury too.
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