Mike Gatto vs. The Ottoman Turks

Just wanted to call our readers’ attention to the fact that we’ve added yet another enemy to the Enemies List.  Like “Tony” and Restoring Tally, this enemy is also marked by the pungent stench of cheesy, bacteria-ridden foreskins.  I’m speaking, of course, of the Ottoman Turks.

ugly turk

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BREAKING NEWS: Mike Gatto Has a New Enemy, and His Name Is, uh, “Tony”

Our blog’s loyal readers will be familiar with the antics of “Tony,” another incoherent babbling lunatic who lives in a bizarre fantasy world where Mike Gatto supports genital mutilation. Well, as you can see in the next two links, Tony insists on posting cowardly pingbacks to my brilliant and devastatingly well-reasoned critiques of his stupid arguments which claim to show that Mike Gatto likes to cut up baby boys’ wieners with surgical instruments.

Excuse me while I laugh my ass off.

Anyway, let me officially welcome you to our enemies list, “Tony.” You asked for it. You got it.


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“Tony” Comes Back for More

Yesterday, I published an insightful commentary on an anti-circumcision/Mike Gatto attack article written by some dumb douche named Tony. Today, I discovered that Tony posted a cowardly pingback rather than an actual comment on my critique, then did the digital equivalent of hiding behind his mommy by running back to his own stupid website to thump his chest amid the supportive grunting of his fellow anti-circumcision wackos.

It’s funny — no wait, it’s hilarious – to hear you throw around terms like “ad hominem” when it’s crystal clear that you lack even a basic understanding of sound logic and reasoning. Consider the following statement from your original post, which is without doubt the single dumbest one amid a burgeoning torrent of stupidity:

“To understand what these politicians have failed to grasp, imagine a male. He is an adult. He is intact. He is healthy. He tells his parents that he has unprotected sex with HIV-positive women. What rights do his parents have to deal with this? Under the illogic of Assemblyman Gatto and his colleagues, his parents may force him to be circumcised.”

To anyone with even a sixth-grade education, the utter ridiculousness of that statement is so self-explanatory that it pretty much immediately negates any need for further critique. But since Tony is so convinced that his assumed position atop Mount Logic justifies the imperious eye he casts down on the lowly subjects of Circumcision Valley, I will elaborate.

Let’s begin by reviewing the textbook definition of a false analogy. A false analogy occurs when two objects (A and B) are purported to be similar because they share a certain property (P), when in reality they do not share said property. Tony’s argument claims that circumcising an infant is the same as an adult male’s parents forcing him to have a circumcision for having unprotected sex with HIV-positive women. That’s not just logically unsound; it’s borderline disturbing.

Next, let’s talk about the masked man fallacy. This fallacy occurs when identical designators are substituted within an argument to create a false conclusion. Tony’s laughable argument substitutes the designator “an adult male’s parents have the right to force him to have a circumcision for having unprotected sex with HIV-positive women” for “an infant male’s parents have the right to choose whether or not to circumcise their newborn child.” The false conclusion Tony feels justified in drawing from his stupid bullshit argument is that Mike Gatto is not a sweet dude, when in fact Mike Gatto is the sweetest dude in the world.

How’s the view from your castle atop Mount Logic, Tony? Or is it too hard to see the valley with all the false analogies and masked men in your way?

Another word out of you and you’re going on the enemies list. You’ve been warned.

(Daulton Gatto is no relation to Mike Gatto. Thankfully, he is also no relation to Tony, and is able to enjoy sex with hot chicks because he has a magnificent circumcised wiener.) 

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Mike Gatto & L. Ron Hubbard Presents Future Writers of America

You know what makes people feel good?  Getting a certificate of achievement.  You know what makes people feel better?  When that certificate is signed by Handsome Mike Gatto.  Don’t believe me?  Then just ask this 4th grader at Ivanhoe Elementary School.  

Well, Mike’s at it again.  He’s signed a fresh batch of California Legislature Assembly Certificates of Recognition and sent them over to the Church of Scientology.  But don’t worry — Mike hasn’t fallen victim to the dangerous and manipulative recruitment practices of the “Church” of Scientology.  No, these certificates were sent to honor the winners of the L. Ron Hubbard Presents Writers and Illustrators of the Future award.  We all know Mike loves a good ‘writing piece.”  Just ask this 4th Grader at Ivanhoe Elementary School.

Mike also sent this awkwardly written letter, which was read aloud at the cult’s annual awards show.  “In recognition of the 29th Annual Writers and Illustrators of the Future, I congratulate L. Ron Hubbard Presents Writers and Illustrators of the Future for its everlasting support to writers and illustrators.  I commend the organization’s effort to keep L. Ron Hubbard’s dreams alive, to spark the imaginative within us all, and to provide new and budding writers and illustrators the opportunity to share their works with the 43rd district and beyond.”

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And Now, Another Episode of “Mike Gatto vs. the Bizarre Foreskin Crusaders”

First off, I just want to say that Mike Gatto remains, and always will remain, a sweet dude. Period final.

As we’ve already documented, part of Mike Gatto’s sweetness resides in the fact that he has a magnificent reproductive apparatus befitting of a prize stallion. Of course, like all sweet dudes, Mike Gatto is circumcised, and knows full well that chicks prefer to suck and fuck big dicks that have had the snip, for both hygienic and aesthetic reasons.

Which brings me to this piece of shit blog post, written by some crackpot wacko identified only as “Tony.” Tony is evidently a large pussy and a giant douchebag too frightened to admit full authorship of his own work and too stupid to employ anything resembling sound logic in his juvenile and laughable arguments. I will let his barely comprehensible babbling speak for itself while I cackle in laughter at the very suggestion that “Tony” is capable of recognizing a flawed argument in the first place.

In the meantime, I just want to once again explain on behalf of Mike Gatto and whatever cool dudes are still left in this douchebaggy world we live in just why it is that foreskin sucks and isn’t sweet at all.

Chicks much prefer dudes with circumcised dicks. Circumcised dicks get more pussy and they get to jizz on more chicks’ big tits. That’s a proven scientific fact. Mike Gatto, as a well-established sweet dude and charismatic stud, is clearly working harder to ensure the next generation of Californians get to fuck as many of the hot-ass chicks walking around this state as possible.

Now please tell me, “Tony,” just what the hell is wrong with that?

(Daulton Gatto is no relation to Mike Gatto. However, Daulton is, like Mike Gatto, the owner of a pretty goddamn impressive penis.)





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Mike Gatto Honors an Old Man Who Died

Mike Gatto recently honored and old man who died by adjourning the State Assembly. Apparently, some people are easily honored.

So who was this dude? Well, his name was Louis Zamperini, and during his life he accomplished many amazing things: WWII hero, prisoner of war, Olympic distance runner and inspirational speaker to name a few. Sadly, there was one thing Louis could not accomplish: not dying.

“I got to know Louis Zamperini when we sat next to one another during a flight one evening,” said Gatto. “He was a very memorable guy, and humble and charming despite his incredible life story. His tales are burned in my mind.”

Supposedly, his life story will be made into a film by Angelina Jolie, though it’s uncertain if she will be playing the role of Zamperini.


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Mike Gatto: LIVE!!!!!

This July 24th… At 3 pm… State Assembly Representative Mike Gatto… Of the historic 43rd district… will make a headlining appearance at the Holy Family Catholic Church!

HOLYSHITFUCKJESUSCHRIST!!!! Mike will rock your granny’s panties when he showcases his advice on how seniors can avoid scams. HOT DAMN THATS GOOD STUFF!!

To read about more community activities that don’t involve Mike Gatto and therefore aren’t as sweet, check out the Pasadena Independent’s community calendar.

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